Sign In Sign-Up

on *:text:*Botsnaxlite*soap*:# {
  describe $chan cheerfully devours her healthy snack.
  msg $chan Thank you, $nick $+ , for remembering that I'm on a diet.
}
on *:action:*Botsnaxlite*soap*:# {
  describe $chan cheerfully devours her healthy snack.
  msg $chan Thank you, $nick $+ , for remembering that I'm on a diet.
}
on *:text:*soap*Botsnaxlite*:# {
  describe $chan cheerfully devours her healthy snack.
  msg $chan Thank you, $nick $+ , for remembering that I'm on a diet.
}
on *:action:*soap*Botsnaxlite*:# {
  describe $chan cheerfully devours her healthy snack.
  msg $chan Thank you, $nick $+ , for remembering that I'm on a diet.
}
on *:text:*Soap*are you a bot*:# {
  msg $chan ERROR: DOES NOT COMPUTE
}
on *:text:*Soap*are you female*:# {
  set %fem $rand(1,2)
  if %fem = 1 {
    msg $chan Oh, $nick $+ , you noticed my curves. I work very hard to keep them.
  }
  if %fem = 2 {
    msg $chan Of course I'm female. Are you blind or something? Hmmph!
  }
}
on *:text:!transform:# {
  msg $chan Affirmitive, Prime. Soap, rolling out!
  timer1 1 4 transform
}
on *:text:*botsnack*:# {
  write Counter.txt botsnack $2-
  msg $chan Thanks but no thanks, $nick $+ , I'm watching my figure. (Total Willpower: + $+ $lines(Counter.txt) $+ !)
}

on *:action*gropes soap*:# {
  grope $nick
}

on *:text:*I love you*soap*:#  {
  msg $chan I love you, too, $nick $+ .
}

on *:text:*soap*I love you*:#  {
  msg $chan I love you, too, $nick $+ .
}

on *:action:*love*to*Soap*:# {
  describe $chan kisses $nick deeply, stares longingly into $nick $+ 's eyes, and cries sweet tears of devotion.
}

on *:action:*bites Soap*:# {
  /mode $chan +v $nick
}

on Solace*:text:!leaveSoap*:# {
  part $chan
}

on *:text:*hate*Soap*:# {
  msg $chan You ain't too special yourself, $nick $+ .
}

on Solace*:text:!tricksterwiki*:# {
  join #tricksterwiki
}

on *:text:!Soap*:# {
  msg $chan $2-
}

on *:text:!Coke*:#  {
  if $2=null {
  describe $chan opens up a nice, cool Coca-Cola and hands it to $2 }
  else {
  describe $chan opens up a nice, cool Coca-Cola and hands it to $nick }
}
on Solace*:action:*smacks Soap*:#  {
  msg $chan Owww... *sniff*
  describe $chan crawls off into a corner to cry and nurse her wounds
}

on 1:TEXT:*alot*:#   {
  msg $chan There is no such word as alot, alittle, or abit.
  describe $chan THWAP™s $nick
}

on 1:TEXT:*alittle*:#  {
  msg $chan There is no such word as alot, alittle, or abit.
  describe $chan THWAP™s $nick
}

on 1:TEXT:*abit*:#  {
  msg $chan There is no such word as alot, alittle, or abit.
  describe $chan THWAP™s $nick
}

on *:text:Soap*:#  {
  msg $chan $read(botresponses.txt)
}

on *:text:*dont know*:#  {
  describe $chan covers $nick in slime
}

on *:text:*dont now*:#  {
  describe $chan covers $nick in slime
}
on *:text:*don't now*:#  {
  describe $chan covers $nick in slime
}

on *:text:*dunno*:#  {
  describe $chan covers $nick in slime
}
on *:text:*iono*:#  {
  describe $chan covers $nick in slime
}
on *:text:*ionno*:#  {
  describe $chan covers $nick in slime
}

on *:text:*I don't know*:#  {
  describe $chan covers $nick in slime
}

on *:text:I'm sure*could*rinse*:# {
  describe $chan dumps a bucket of water on $3 $+ . 
  msg $chan You're all clean now!
}

on *:text:*water*:#  {
  msg $chan Did someone say water?
  describe $chan dumps a bucket of water on $nick $+ . 
  msg $chan You're all clean now!
}
on *:text:*h2o*:#  {
  msg $chan Did someone say water?
  describe $chan dumps a bucket of water on $nick $+ . 
  msg $chan You're all clean now!
}
on *:text:*h20*:#  {
  msg $chan Did someone say water?
  describe $chan dumps a bucket of water on $nick $+ . 
  msg $chan You're all clean now!
}
on *:text:how about some Soap suds for*:# {
  msg $chan Let me help you with that.
  describe $chan humps $7 until $7 is thoroughly sudsy.
  msg $chan Better?
}
on *:text:*Soap*suds*:# {
  msg $chan Let me help you with that.
  describe $chan humps $nick until $nick is thoroughly sudsy.
  msg $chan Better?
}
on *:text:*fire*:#  {
  msg $chan Did someone say fire?
  describe $chan whips out a flamethrower and burns $nick to cinders.
}
on *:text:*earth*:#  {
  msg $chan Did someone say earth?
  describe $chan grabs a shovel and buries $nick up to their neck in soil
}
on *:text:*windows*:#  {
  notice Soap They said it again
}
on *:text:*drop*Soap*:#  {
  describe $chan dons the necessary vibrating attachment and violates $nick repeatedly.
}
on *:action:*drop*Soap*:#  {
  describe $chan dons the necessary vibrating attachment and violates $nick repeatedly.
}

on *:text:*Who is Soap?*:# {
  msg $chan I am Solace's bot. I am also female.
}

on *:text:*wind*:#  {
  msg $chan Did someone say wind?
  describe $chan drags out an enormous movie-sized fan and blows $nick away over the horizon.
  msg $chan Hey, $nick $+ ! Is your hair dry yet? HAHAHAHAHA!
}
on *:text:Help*dry*:# {
  describe $chan helps $2 towel off before getting out the blowdryer and ensuring frizzy hair.
}

on *:text:I'm sure*could*towel*:# {
  describe $chan helps $2 towel off before getting out the blowdryer and ensuring frizzy hair.
}

on *:text:*heart*:#  {
  msg $chan Did someone say heart?
  msg $chan what are you, $nick $+ , some kind of homosexual? This isn't Captain Planet, you know.
}


on *:text:*cola*:#  {
  if $1 == %c $+ cola  {
    if $2 == $null { describe $chan opens up a fresh can of coca cola and sets it in front of $nick | halt }
    else { describe $chan opens up a fresh can of coca cola and sets it in front of $- }
  }
}

on *:TEXT:!attack*:#: {
  %i = 1
  %dice = You rolled $2 $+ d $+ $3 for: 
  %total = 0
  while (%i <= $2) {
    %rolled = $rand(1,$3)
    %total = %total + %rolled
    %dice = %dice %rolled
    inc %i
  }
  msg $chan %dice for a grand total of %total while attacking $4-
}

on *:TEXT:!check*:#: {
  %i = 1
  %dice = You rolled $2 $+ d $+ $3 for: 
  %total = 0
  while (%i <= $2) {
    %rolled = $rand(1,$3)
    %total = %total + %rolled
    %dice = %dice %rolled
    inc %i
  }
  msg $chan %dice $+ . Your check was: %total
}



on 1:ACTION:*gropes Soap*:# {
  describe $chan gropes $nick 
  describe $chan runs
}

alias Greeting {
  /writeini -n "c:\program files\mirc2\greetings.ini" Greetings $1 $2-
}

alias transform {
  if ($me != Soap) {
    nick Soap
    ident
  }
  else {
    nick Soap-On-A-Rope 
    ident
  }
}


on 1:JOIN:#xkcd-shower : {
  if ( $len($readini("c:\program files\mirc2\greetings.ini", Greetings, $nick)) > 0) {
    msg $chan Welcome back, $nick $+ ! $readini("c:\program files\mirc2\greetings.ini", Greetings, $nick)
    notice $nick  Uno bot is currently running, and soon to be updated. "!Uno" to start a game.
  }
  else {
    msg $chan Welcome to $chan $+ , $nick $+ .
  }
}
on 1:JOIN:#bots : {
  if ( $len($readini("c:\program files\mirc2\greetings2.ini", Greetings, $nick)) > 0) {
    msg $chan Hello, $nick $+ ! $readini("c:\program files\mirc2\greetings.ini", Greetings, $nick)
  }
  else {
    msg $chan Welcome to $chan $+ , $nick $+ .
  }
}
on *:text:*botattack*:#bots {
  describe $channel flings herself at $nick and begins the long process of complete debilitation.
}
on *:text:I'm getting fed up with this orgasm*:# {
  msg $chan What are your orders, Master?
}

on 1:TEXT:!greeting * *:#: {
  /writeini -n "c:\program files\mirc2\greetings.ini" Greetings $2 $3-
}

On *:Text:!Toss*:#: { 
  set %1 $ialchan($nick,$chan,1)
  set %2 $ialchan($2,$chan,1)
  if ($2 ison $chan) && (%1 >= %2) && ($2 != $Me) && ($3- != $Null) { kick $chan $2 4*Tosses you out* $Nick says: 12" $+ $3- $+ " }
  if ($2 ison $chan) && (%1 >= %2) && ($2 != $Me) && ($3- = $Null) { kick $chan $2 4*Tosses you out* }
  elseif ($2 !ison $chan) && ($2 != $Null) { .notice $Nick That person is not on here! }
  elseif (%2 !<= %1) && ($2 != $Me) { .Notice $Nick That person has more status than you! }
  elseif ($ialchan($Me,$chan,1) !< %2) && ($2 != $Null) { .Notice $Nick I have less status than he/she does! }
  elseif ($2 = $me) { .Notice $Nick I cannot kick myself! }
  elseif ($2 = $Null) && ($ailchan($me,$chan,1) >= %2) { kick $chan $Nick 4*Tosses you out* }
}


on *:text:!8ball*:# {
  if ($2- = $null) { 
    /msg $channel You have to ask a question first, $nick. 
  }
  elseif ($2- != $null) { 
    set %8ball $rand(1,8)
    if %8ball = 1 {
      msg $chan No.
    }
    elseif %8ball = 2 {
      msg $chan I think so. 
    }
    elseif %8ball = 3 {
      msg $chan I find it highly unlikely.
    }
    elseif %8ball = 4 {
      msg $chan Definately.
    }
    elseif %8ball = 5 {
      msg $chan Ask again 
    }
    elseif %8ball = 6 {
      msg $chan Yes.
    }
    elseif %8ball = 7 {
      msg $chan Most likely.
    }
    elseif %8ball = 8 {
      msg $chan What are you asking me for? I'm just an IRC bot!
    }
  }
}